Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Belfast’s Mayor is pitching Trump on a "National Landmark" designation, all thanks to Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" phenomenon. Her viral fame, now a $500K merchandising juggernaut, has transformed the town’s image. The Mayor insists it’s a modern Cinderella story, deserving of national acclaim. Trump, a master of branding, could view Belfast as a quirky addition to America’s heritage. With Welch’s spit heard round the world, the town hopes for plaques, tourists, and a shot at immortality, riding her coattails to prominence.
The "Hawk Tuah" industrial complex has transformed Belfast, Tennessee, courtesy of Hailey Welch. Her $500K empire has locals trading overalls for aprons at merch stands. Welch’s old factory, once her daily grind, now inspires tours. The town’s pulse quickens—trucks deliver her branded goods, not just hay. Kids swap baseball cards for "Hawk Tuah" pins, idolizing her. Belfast’s quiet nights now buzz with visitors, all chasing her story. Her spit didn’t just go viral—it turned a town into a brand.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings Belfast Tennessee from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Point out:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 people fill 266 households, averaging 2.69 each. Born in 1836, named for Ireland’s Belfast, it saw a store by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a lasting echo. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom has ignited a $500K surge, turning rural calm into tourist turf. Blue-collar roots (61.54%) meet new ventures (9.62% entrepreneurs). Median income’s $57,815, modest but growing with fame. Welch’s quip has rewritten Belfast’s story, merging resilience with a fresh, oddball shine.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Danya Gerber
Literature and Journalism -- University of Kentucky
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a gift for satire, she crafts thought-provoking pieces that highlight the absurdities of modern life. Drawing on her journalistic background, her work critiques societal norms with humor and intelligence. Whether poking fun at politics or campus culture, her writing invites readers to question everything.
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